Questions of the Day: Who are you in your relationships? What do you allow or let go? How authentic are you to your values? How courageous are you in treating yourself with acceptance, love and respect?

How true are you in speaking your own truth? Do you realize that until you love and accept yourself as you are, it is difficult for someone else to love you?

Are you strong enough to teach others how you want to be treated? Or are you afraid to own your own half of the bargain? What does agape love mean to you? What does unconditional love mean to you? What does acceptance and forgiveness mean to you?

Do you know your deal-breakers? Are you consistent in establishing who you really are? It takes courage to stay and fight for your vision of love and it also takes courage to let go and walk away when that vision is no longer worth fighting for.

Only YOU can make a choice that better reflects your innermost values. Begin topaz attention to your most important relationships: with God, your creator and with yourself. Everything else flows from this.

Are you sitting on the toxic fence or have you really DECIDED? When you decide and commit, the universe makes way for you. And if you’ve given everything you’ve got and it still doesn’t work out, perhaps God has a better plan for you and you need to experience the pain in order to let go.

At the core of our transformational Training, Leadership and Coaching programs at Whole Woman Network, are principles of Self-Love, Self-Accountability and Self-Leadership. You have the unique gift and ability to co-create your life and design your destiny with God. Own it!

WWN Reflection DAY 10: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

Today’s focus is on RELATIONSHIPS. Whatever you seek in your relationships, have clarity on what you want! Focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. Then, simply surround yourself with people who depict and live it.

If you seek love, surround yourself with people who are IN love and are faithful, caring, trusting and LOVING to each other. Everything and everyone is energy! Their essence slowly rubs off on you. Monkey see, monkey do, so find the monkeys doing it the right way and model/adapt/learn from them! Stop arguing for the limitations in your relationships and begin to focus on your vision of your relationships (and take aligned action steps to bring it to life). The blame game kills a relationship. Until you take responsibility for co-creating your relationship, you may keep repeating the undesirable outcomes. It takes two to dance relationship ajasco! 🙂

Take the time to deeply analyze and reflect on all the relationships you’ve been surrounded by from childhood till date. Whether you believe it or not, they affected your perspective and choices. You may need to UN-Learn certain traits, behaviours and characteristics. We’re like sponges, we soak up past experiences, consciously or unconsciously, and sometimes live it in our present lives, often, outside of our own awareness.

We are sometimes pre-disposed to good or bad things in our culture, upbringing, education, religion, environment, career…Become more aware of the choices you make and the belief systems you hold. Ask yourself honest questions.

Develop a mindset that reflects who you are and what you value. Begin to replace undesirable behaviours and patterns with healthier strategies. You can create the relationships of your dreams. Not perfect yet perfect for you. You know yourself better than anyone else. Know who and whose you are. Be CONGRUENT in your private and public lives.

You have a choice to either be ‘RIGHT’ or to have a happy and healthy Relationship. You have a choice to either blindly follow the dictates of the world- family, friends, media or you may choose to build and develop your own unique relationship style that works for you! Until we allow ourselves to be fully vulnerable, accepting and forgiving, we cannot experience the fullness of love. Love is not an absence of hurt, disappointment or pain.

Love is simply LOVE, PERIOD! It just is…As the saying goes: Follow your heart and take your head with you! You need both to navigate the waters of life. “Happily Ever After” is a facetious term. It does not mean our relationships are free of challenges or stormy waters, it simply means we CHOOSE and FIGHT to be happy regardless of the storms.

It has little or nothing to do with choosing to stay or leave a relationship, rather, it is your ability to live and honour your own truth and values about love and life! The moment you stop being you is the moment you really DIE. Are you being YOU in all your relationships?

If you do not look inwards to fix the pains that show up in your current relationship, they may follow you wherever you go. You may physically ‘leave’ a relationship and yet carry with you its poison(s).

The purpose of pain, therefore, is to direct our attention to something that needs to be resolved, a skill that needs to be built up, a talent that is long-buried, a boundary that needs to be set or simply, a reason to reflect on our past and present choices, so that we are empowered to create a more compelling and beautiful future for ourselves.

Intimate relationships (good or ‘bad’), are ultimately, gifts to us because they allow us to really know and understand ourselves. They push our limits and boundaries and compel us to ‘see’ who we really are, who we’re capable of becoming and finally, who we DECIDE to be. Relationship is like a boat that requires the two people in it to row their own share, in oder to arrive safely at shore. Even in stormy waves, as long as each partner carries their own weight, it is easier ton thrive and have joy and fulfilment in the journey.

As long as both partners are sincerely focused on the bigger picture, their action steps will flow seamlessly, from this foundation of trust, communication and commitment. Ultimately, it is freestyle, as what works for A may not work for B. We are human  and also social beings, sometimes different dynamics occur based on peculiar situations, such as health challenges(mental-physical-emotional, spiritual), economic realities, cultural and environmental dictates, upbringing, education, religion  and other meta models.

One of my favourite quotes that I find most succinct and insightful on the nature of partnerships in relationships is by Ify Olejeme Odunlami: “Equality in a relationship lies in the understanding that this is a partnership. Every couple makes their own rules. Kitchen and cooking is not what determines equality. Some men love to cook just like some women do. Some women are breadwinners.

If you want a happy home, broker your terms. In the end, it’s about supporting each other. If you have superior earning power as a woman, go out there and make money for your family, don’t let your hubby slug his way into a heart attack. If your wife is overwhelmed with her work , chip in so that she can have more time to spend with you and the kids. Happy family first.” ~Ify Olejeme Odunlami (as shared on her Facebook page, on 12.08.14; accessed on 12.11.2014)

Another relationship quote that I find inspiring  and tend to repeat quite often, is by Ernie Pavan, co-founder of Human Potential International, HPI:

“Relationships with Spouses (existing and/or ex) and Closest Family Members, Colleagues & Friends, are our biggest opportunities for transformation.

In the world of perception is projection, they become OR represent our deepest, innermost pains, fears, challenges, nightmares (or luckily, our goals and dreams), manifested alive. So become more present. Pay ATTENTION to your life!

We come together, not by accident, but rather through a deliberate divine synchronism, to perhaps celebrate, share, heal, create, connect, build, unlock or become aware of something important in our lifetime.

Fix your pain and life will open up. If you’re willing to find and solve your pain, (and what your pain is doing or not doing for you), you will find your power, passion, purpose, profit and path by simply replacing the role of your pain with a healthier strategy, behaviour and/or choice.

The reason your pain exists is to draw your attention to something important for your growth and to increase your ability to become a beacon for others around you.” ~Ernie Pavan

I hope you all have a great week ahead and I leave you with these words to reflect on and ponder upon for the week: “Dance even when there’s no music; smile even through your tears; take action even when the world holds you down; rejoice even when it all seems bleak. You create your own rhythm, you create your own atmosphere….Create beauty even in your ashes!” ~Excerpt from my upcoming book: Unlocking Your HeArt of Leadership~

Join the conversation on Facebook: www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork

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The preceding is a guest post from Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA –Co-Founder and Executive Director of Whole Woman Network. Juliet is the author of the upcoming books: “UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership”  and “Today, I Will Not Bow”.  A self-described Life-Connoisseur, who loves life and the whole human experience, Juliet was nicknamed a ‘reminderist’,  [one who reminds us of that which we already know; that we are not fractured or broken and NOW is the perfect time to replace that fallacy with a new, beautiful truth: we are worthy, complete, whole and our life journey is to return to wholeness]!

She is a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Leadership, Investment & Financial Literacy for women and youth (especially girls). Her mission is simply to raise a new generation of  transformational leaders in Africa by engaging, educating and empowering women, regardless of their levels of income or background, to return to ‘wholeness’ and live Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier Lives using Faith-based, Scientific and Universal (Common-Sense) principles! Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Enjoy some of her portfolio of poems on her Floetry Blog and follow her daily reflective posts on Facebook.

Her message is simply: “To use the power of written-spoken-sung WORDS to connect, heal, empower, change and transform our inner and outer worlds. Words have power in the meaning and interpretation we choose to give them and all of life is synchronistic poetry in motion! Are you telling empowering stories about yourself and others?”