Are you fighting your emotions or simply allowing yourself to feel all the feelings associated with your loss?
Are you feeling sudden bursts of Denial, Numbness, Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt, Guilt, Shame, Regret and Pain?
Are you oscillating between states of high energy, when you lovingly remember a funny/happy memory and soon, your feelings crash down to sudden ‘lows’?
Does the pain of the loss still randomly hit you, overwhelming and breaking you down?
Are you feeling physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained and sometimes disconnected from everyone/everything around you?
WWN Reflection DAY 28: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!
The focus of today’s reflection is GRIEF. The definition by online dictionary,Thesaurus: Grief (griːf/, noun- Intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death.
The pain and shock caused by a loss may lead to extreme, and sometimes unhealthy, new patterns of behaviour.
If these patterns last beyond a temporary period of time, then perhaps, it is important to seek empathetic help and support from professionals and/or loved ones.
(Various researches have shown that the presence, support and love from loved ones and even strangers, make a huge difference to the healing curve).
Of the many emotions one experiences after a loss, perhaps the three really important ones to watch out for are Denial, Guilt and Shame.
This is because other emotions-anger, sadness, fear hurt, regret and pain, which are warranted emotions, when expressed in a healthy way, may lead the person to a sense of release, acceptance and closure over time.
On the other hand, feelings of denial, shame and guilt prolong the healing period and may make one sink in deeper into a prolonged, unhealthy spiral of mourning and grieving.
To grief fully, without reservation, is itself, an important piece of the healing process. The loss of someone or something very dear to us, creates a shift in our perspective of the world and life in general.
This is as it should be because we are not the same person we were before the loss and we can never go back to being that old person. Irrevocably, we are changed, for better or worse, by that singular experience. And it still comes down to the choices we make, either consciously or unconsciously.
And it should also push us or inspire us to pursue only those things that give us the most joy, as well as adding the most value.
The loss then simply acts as a boulder, and it’s role is to make us pause and reflect, as we are reminded that with every breath we take, death looms nearer, waiting in the shadows.
Each day we wake up is a day closer to the end of the journey. What is the quality of the memories we wish to celebrate at the end?
What is the life story we want told? Begin to live the future you dream of for yourself NOW, because the choices you make now, create the tomorrow you desire or despise! You get to tell your story, BE and LIVE the story you want told.
It allows us an opportunity to really stop everything, as we share our grief and connect with the deceased by building a legacy that upholds and reflects their values and purpose.
Therefore, we must seek grace so that we do not waste the inherent power and beauty that our loss affords us. Everything has a purpose, nothing is an accident.
Thus, the purpose of death becomes that of a jarring or gentle reminder, an alarm clock that wakes us up and draws the attention of the living towards their own path, their own purpose.
Periods of grief are also a time to also take another hard look at our lives and course-correct our track, if necessary. It is a time to strengthen existing bonds or heal broken ones. Death is a destroyer of arrogance.
It is in periods of intense sorrow that we ask the most important WHYs. The answers are already within us, we simply need the right questions to unlock what we already know. Death allows us to question what is truly important to us about living.
There can be no greater opportunity for growth, learning and transformation than through death. It lends itself to such a literal and metaphoric finality that we are forced to pay immediate attention to the pain it elicits.
And when we are courageous enough to face, feel and conquer ours fears/pains, we are in a better place. The more specific we get with our pain, the easier and faster it dis-integrates. “Sorrows are our best educators. A person can see further through a tear than a telescope.” ~Lord Byron~
We share our common connectedness and exchange our energy of understanding, of empathy, of unconditional love and of healing.
Know that God walks with you, always, especially in the valleys, his light is there to comfort and guide your ways.
We hold sacred space for the living survivors and also for the living who’ve moved on. Time in itself doesn’t heal, I’d like to think that we choose to heal, in time.
We choose to heal and live and thus honour the spirit of the dead. If not, what difference would it then make if we either lived or die. Remember that death is itself a metaphor for life and vice versa. One journey starts when the other end, so loved ones never really die, they are merely transformed.
Everything and everyone is energy and because we have shared the sacred space of living with them, they leave a part of themselves with us, the most important parts of them; their love, spirit, essence and core.
As we grief and mourn for different reasons, let us reflect deeply on the truth that one of the greatest gifts of deep loss is the profound understanding that we must all learn to begin to surrender to life, be more accepting and allowing of letting go, while focusing on embracing both our nothingness and our majesty, both our humanity and our divinity.
Blogger’s Note: This post was inspired by a dear friend who recently lost a beloved spouse. In the death of a loved one, we are all reminded of the precious gift of life. And even as we mourn, we hold firm in faith. We are strong believers; we believe in resurrection, we believe that the deceased are with us, even though we no longer physically see them. Also, we know and believe that this too shall pass and although the pain may sometimes be overwhelming, we have faith in the abiding grace of God to lead us through the storms.
This is thanksgiving weekend in the USA, and so, we lift up our heartfelt prayers of love and thanksgiving. May the power of our collective wishes give healing and peace to those among us who mourn.
For indeed, ALL things work together for those who believe. The task is to let go and believe! May the souls of the faithfully departed, Rest In Perfect Peace of our Lord. Through the pain and the storm of your loss, may you be willing, ready and open to love. In love were you created, with love were you moulded, through love were you redeemed. At your core, you are love!
Are you or anyone you know experiencing intense sorrow over the passing of a loved one? Two (2) books that I highly recommend for anyone who’s grieving are:
1. A TIME TO GRIEVE: Meditations for healing after the death of a loved one, by Carol Staudacher;
2. HEALING AFTER LOSS: Daily Meditations for working through grief, by Martha Whitmore Hickman
-Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA
Poet | Master-Certified Leadership Coach-Trainer -Consultant|
~Take empowered ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU!~
The preceding is a guest post from Juliet Ume, MBA –Co-Founder and Executive Director at Whole Woman Network. Juliet is the author of the upcoming books: “UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership” and “Today, I Will Not Bow”. A self-described Life-Connoisseur, who loves life and the whole human experience, Juliet was nicknamed a ‘reminderist’, [one who reminds us of that which we already know; that we are not fractured or broken and NOW is the perfect time to replace that fallacy with a new, beautiful truth: we are worthy, empowered, complete, whole creatures and our life journey is to return to wholeness]!
She is a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Leadership, Investment & Financial Literacy for women and youth (especially girls). Her mission is simply to engage, educate and empower women, regardless of their levels of income or background, to return to ‘wholeness’ and live Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier Lives using Faith-based, Scientific and Universal (Common-Sense) principles! Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Enjoy some of her portfolio of poems on her Floetry Blog and follow her daily reflective posts on Facebook.
Her message is simply: “To use the power of written-spoken-sung WORDS to connect, heal, empower, change and transform our inner and outer worlds. Words have power in the meaning and interpretation we choose to give them and all of life is synchronistic poetry in motion! Are you telling empowering stories about yourself and others?”
- 15 Things I Wish I’d Known About Grief (identityrenewed.com)
- Coping with grief during the holiday (yumikomusictherapy.com)
- The Nature of Sorrow and Grief (jordiebear08.wordpress.com)
- Empathy 101 – Grieving during the Holiday Season (theempathyqueen.wordpress.com)