Bloggers Note: This is Part 2 of 7 of ‘Magical Bonds: Parents & Children Letter Series’
The family is at the heart of every society/community. It is the anchor, the nucleus, the locus, the very seed that sprouts into the bigger trees, spreading their roots in life. The foundation of who we want to become or flee from, is shaped to a large degree by our early experiences in our various family units. Indeed, as the African proverb states: “It takes a village to raise a child.”
It is important for families to communicate, to share, to connect and spend quality time together. With our fast-paced lifestyles and the challenging nature of today’s society, the ethos of healthy relationships among family members often come under attack and in some cases, break down irrevocably.
Regardless of the nature of our families: married, single, separated, widowed, estranged, divorced, common-law, happy, functional or dysfunctional etc., it is still possible (and in fact critical) to continue to nurture and build up healthy, respectful and loving environments which foster inter-connectedness and inter-dependence. In other words, to continually seek to create beauty out of seemingly dysfunctional or unhealthy relationships.
To all fathers, mothers, daughters and sons, who have not-so-close or healthy relationships, may you find closure, acceptance, forgiveness, joy, healing and love, regardless of the challenges, hurts and disappointments of the past.
Know that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools and resources they have. In the words of Maya Angelou, If they knew differently, they would do differently, for to know and not do is not to know at all. Give yourself time to heal, to forgive, to love.
Look back at your live, armed with empathy and a pair of new lens and choose to re-frame your past, so that you may begin to tell empowering stories about yourself and other family members. The journey may sometimes be difficult, however, the first step is simply to DECIDE!
Have an awesome week ahead everyone. Remember, whatever you do, sow seeds of value, service and love. Tell and show your kids that you love them and are proud of them. Sometimes, the ‘little’ things make the biggest difference. The world outside can sometimes get crazy and overwhelming.
There’s a choice overload; kids today are inundated with so many choices and opportunities (some leading down a slippery road to self-destruction, perdition and strife). It is now more important than ever, to create a haven, a safe place of love, strong values and support for our children. It matters. Yes, it matters a whole lot.
Do you have an inspiring ‘father-mother-daughter-son’ story, letter or anecdote you’d want to share? We’d love to hear from you! Drop a comment or join the conversation on our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork
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Enjoy this beautiful letter below, from Tina Knowles to her famous daughters and nieces:
To Beyoncé, Solange, Kelly and Angie.
When I was asked to write an open letter to you, I thought about the hundreds of texts and emails that I have sent to you on holidays and on Sundays, when I ask you to say a prayer to thank God for each other. Every day, I wake up thinking about how much I love, admire and cherish each of you.
I gave birth to two of you, but I have four incredible daughters. Writing this brought to mind all the ways you guys have been such a blessing to me.
When I’m feeling sad or not-so-cute or maybe a little sorry for myself, and you all include me in your group chat and tell me how hot I still look or how cool I am. Maybe you send me a crazy YouTube video. What actually works best is a cute photo of my grandchildren.
I remember slumber parties after my divorce, when we watched old movies and ate a lot of ice cream. I felt so loved and supported. The roles were reversed, and it was ME who needed nurturing.
I remember my first date when every one of you weighed in on what I should wear.
The obvious things about all of you are apparent. You are all strong, beautiful, intelligent and smart businesswomen. You are so much more than that. You are all kind, generous and you treat people well. You are all amazing mothers, wives, daughters, sisters and friends. All of you have total self-respect.
Beyoncé, I wish people could see how you are when you’re not in front of the camera or on the stage. How compassionate and kind you are to people, how you look them right in the eye when you speak to them. How hard you work, how generous you are with your time and money.
How you don’t care if anyone knows about it because you do it from the heart. I wish they could see you with the Make-A-Wish Foundation kids, how patient you are and how your love has helped to extend lives. Yes, you are a huge star, but you have somehow managed to stay grounded and humble in the wake of all your success.
Solange, I knew when you were born three days late that you would walk to the beat of your own drum. You were always my rebel warrior! Always defending the underdog and fighting for what you believe in.
I remember you, at 10 years old, started a petition to remove a bad teacher, and your dad and I were so proud of you. I love that you do not let others define who you are, or what you are. Whether in your music, fashion or your life, you truly are your own incredible, unapologetic person! As tough as you are, you will drop everything to take care of someone you love.
Kelly, I know without a doubt that you were a true gift from God. You came to live with us when you were only 11 years old. You were the sweetest, most kind person I had ever met and you still are. You are also a true survivor. You never give up.
Your discipline and drive always inspires me. You make me want to take better care of my body and constantly motivate me to exercise and take time for myself. You have the best listening skills and are a loyal friend to many. I’ve seen you take the jewelry off of your arm and give it to someone because you wanted to make them feel good.
Angie, you are my niece, but we have always been more like mother and daughter! You were always so mature, always challenging me and questioning why. (Fortunately I never believed in the “Because I said so” or “I’m the adult” crap, either.)
I always trusted that you would look out for and protect Solange, Kelly and Beyoncé, and you did! You still do sometimes. You are so smart and perceptive, and you see through bullshit right away! You’ve always had our backs. Our own family fixer!! You know I call you Olivia Pope!!
I’m often asked, what was my most proud moment? I would have to say it was at my recent wedding, when all four of you said in your own words that I taught by example and that I helped to make you the women you are today!!!! That was truly my proudest moment!
All my love,