“If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never find it. If you don’t know what you deserve, you’ll always settle for less. You will wander aimlessly, uncomfortably numb in your comfort zone, wondering how life has ended up here.” ― Rob Liano
Our values are our innermost, most unconscious guiding principles for being and doing. They are the barometers and standards of our behaviour (both in public and private); a self-judgment of what is important in day-to-day living.
Our actions and priorities often reflect our values, more than our words, so it is more holistic to calibrate on actions when gauging people’s values or ours.
We ought to clarify our values and personal boundaries to ourself first, before we can effectively communicate and enforce them with others.
It is not just enough to be aware of your values, you should also be able to weight/rank them according to their importance. It helps in decision-making, especially under challenging conditions or between tough options. For instance, you may easily reach a compromise over a value rated #10 than those in your top 3 list.
Also, consider reflecting upon and writing down your values in the difference spheres of your life -personal, relationships, career, financial, spiritual etc
A lack of ambiguity about our values ensures that our personal boundaries and deal-breakers are clearly communicated to everyone we come in contact with. Often when personal boundaries are stated/enforced, they are ‘tested’ by people who unconsciously violate them. It is the universe’s way of ensuring self-regulation.
Each time you boundaries are violated or tested, it is an opportunity for you to see if those boundaries are really true, i.e are you congruent in honouring your boundaries?
Are you willing to create and implement consequences to ‘teach’ others how to treat you in ways acceptable to you? Values and personal boundaries are reflectors of our degree of SELF-RESPECT. And self-respect is one of the greatest acts of kindness and empathy to oneself.
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ―Jack Kornfield