Tag Archive | connie podesta

DAY 22: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

change life“Nobody’s role is to give your life meaning or make you happy. You give it to yourself based on your relationship with your creator. True joy comes from within. Joy is your God-given right, irrespective of your situation or relationship status. You condemn yourself to the left axis of hurts, doubts, fears, sadness…when you look outside for joy. We make choices about how we feel about ourselves (good or bad), and are drawn to people who make us feel that way. Most relationships begin to crumble once we begin to feel differently about ourselves and the other party still sees us the same way.” ~Connie Podesta~

WWN Reflection DAY 22: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

Today’s focus is on RELATIONSHIP. As you enjoy your weekend, here are some nuggets to reflect upon. (Excerpt from my upcoming book: ‘UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership.’)

Follow your heart1. Renew your relationship everyday. It has its own distinct energy, separate from the individual energy of the people in it. Be open to learning new things about each other. What you THINK you know can get in the way of what you NEED to know. Let go of the attachment to being ‘right’ all the time in your relationship. It gets in the way of the joy and beauty unfolding ‘right now’ with your partner. Avoid keeping scores. It kills off the growth buds of your relationships.

You are in each other’s lives for a purpose; to love, to heal your pains and wounds, to create light and joy, share, to grow, to bear witness of God’s glory in you, to transform and to give and receive energy.

You come into the relationship already whole and complete. To think otherwise and shift the responsibility of making you feel ‘complete’ to your spouse, is setting them up on a pedestal from which they’ll surely fall off at some point. We enter into relationships with our strengths and also frailties, we are humans first and not ‘knights’ in shinning armours or ‘damsels’ in distress. Both parties bear the equal responsibilities of ‘saving’ each other. 1+1 =1! All parties must play at 100% or not at all.

Be responsible and have a deep sense of awareness of how you choose to exchange energy with each other. The moment we are disconnected from God, the eternal source, we are disconnected from ourselves and consequently, we begin to manifest that disconnect in our relationships.

“We tend to marry our unconscious mind, and then project unto it all of our unresolved stuff.” ~Carl Jung~

The moment the real purpose of the relationship is lost, it dies or disfigures itself into a source of pain, resentment and a hellish existence that drains both parties. Take the time to refocus the purpose of your relationships. Constantly build up a bank of positive emotions and beautiful memories. Your currencies are loving smiles, touches, kind words, mutual hobbies, fun dates, shared jokes, trips/unique experiences, delightful surprises, loyalty, commitment, intimacy, patience, presence, gifts, respect, generosity, forgiveness and most of all kindness.

Deposit daily and consistently into your ‘relationship banks’. Once in a while make huge lump deposits. When the storms arise, your deposits would yield interests of loving memories and these will be the back-up resources that will sustain you. A relationship without an active reserve goes bankrupt at the slightest wind or wisp of trouble.

Sometimes we may have to unlearn the old to learn the new. Keep your mind open, you just never know. People evolve and grow, decide to grow together. Most relationships die because one partner grows and the other stays the same or both grow in different directions. The more we have certain deep values in common, the more our relationship flourishes. We learn new things everyday, your prayer should be that you each become a better version of yourself tomorrow than you were today and that you share these persons you’re both becoming with each other.

Don’t stay stunted! Do better, choose to constantly GROW your relationship in the right direction.  “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” ~Frank Zappa ~

Priority2. A relationship is an equal  partnership. Both parties are responsible for its growth and success. It is a team. It is the most sacred of teams. When working in a team, don’t ever let your ego get in the way of the work to be done or the joys to be enjoyed. Always begin with the outcome in mind. Focus on WHAT you want to achieve and not WHO does what. Make each other your biggest priority. In the words of Maya Angelo: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

When someone is your priority you expend most of your resources(time, money, energy), on them. It is not just what you say, it is how you say it. It is not just what you do, it is the intention and attitude with which you do it.

So many wonderful and once loving relationships failed because people are more concerned with BEING right than DOING right. Get rid of your attachment to being right. Focus on the type of relationships you desire to create: Loving, healthy and happy! Know when to LET IT GO or SWALLOW; swallow your pride, swallow the back-biting, swallow keeping score of your mutual weaknesses, swallow your anger. Relationships take work and it is important that you focus on getting the work done each day. And make sure you have fun in the process. If not, what’s the point?

Rainbow3.  The quality of your relationships should be based on the love you give, the value you add, the gifts and talents you share, your ability to transform each other’s lives and the positive changes you ignite. Each party acts as a catalyst to the other. You are reflections of the other. Your closest and most intimate relationships offer you a tremendous opportunity to grow and transform. “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~Carl G. Jung~

You are first and foremost, in a relationship with yourself. You go into a relationship with your own ‘bag’ of belief system, values, upbringing etc . Each person is responsible for their own bag of ‘stuff’. Be courageous, own and confront your own stuff, so that you free up your heart to fully love the one you’re with. Your stuff is shaped by your past, culture, family, values, environment, beliefs, education, etc.

Everyone has the same capacity for love. It just manifests differently. Do not play the compare and contrast game. The greatest gift of every relationship is unconditional love. Be grateful for what and who you have and not anxious for what you do NOT have. Be thankful and happy for what others have. Their path is different from yours. Love and focus on the one you’re with. Focus on giving and not on getting. The beauty with love is that we are transformed when we give and receive it completely and unreservedly.

Accept and forgive each other, unconditionally. Know the difference between compromising based on love and sacrificing based on fear. Grow in your relationship. Grow with your relationship. God’s grace is sufficient for us all, however it is a choice whether we tap into that grace or not.


4. One of the dangers of thinking the grass is greener on the other side is that you may get to the other side and find out you’re allergic to that type of grass and you break out in terrible reactions. Be content with who/what/where you are. You have the power to co-create your relationships.

Your life is not an accident. The source of eternal joy dwells within you because you were created in God’s image. There’s a majesty within you. Why then do you seek completion from external possessions, titles, judgements? Avoid comparing and contrasting with others. Focus on building your home.

Do not surrender the power you have to valueless and meaningless things. Do not be a slave to the ego. The more congruent and content you are with who you are, the more empowered and loving your relationship will become.

5. Most relationships would flourish if we treated loved ones with the same kindness, courtesy and respect that we accord bosses, strangers and colleagues. Familiarity should not be an excuse for veiled contempt rather it should breed consideration and empathy.

Stop taking people for granted. Even loved ones deserve your sincere ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, ‘I’m sorry’….Simply saying ‘I love you’ is not enough, you also have to mean it, think it and act it out. This is because LOVE is a very fragile seed, and it needs the right atmosphere in order for the fruits to flourish. If not, it gradually wilts away and dies!

bricks6. If the FEAR of losing your relationship is what is holding you back from pursuing your passions, dreams and purpose, you’ll have a LONG wait because, like a shadow, the fear never goes away.

Arise into the light and tame the cobra of fear. ACT in spite of your fears. Fight for the relationship and create the reality you want. If you are afraid of being yourself in a relationship because of a need to ‘preserve and keep’ that relationship, chances are, the relationship is already broken and you’re simply wasting your life away, chasing and gathering the scattered, broken pieces while pretending to be someone else. That’s just exhausting!

If you find yourself more afraid of rocking the boat and more focused on preserving ‘peace’, know that you are no longer being yourself in that relationship, and that relationship boat’s probably already capsized! Allow relationships to evolve naturally.

Be authentic, be YOU. It is the pretence that destroys. You are already dead the moment you try to become something or someone you are not. A ghost cannot exist in a relationship. Be alive, choose to trust that you are enough. It is better to let go of a phantom relationship, than to lose your essence, soul and spirit. God made you for a purpose and you cannot fulfil it by being someone else!

7. Focus on exactly what you want in your relationship and not on the ‘problems’ ; what you do not want! What if your problem is not YOUR problem? What if your problem is simply just A problem? Quit taking things so personal, begin to let PROBLEMS/PAINS go when they’ve served their purpose in your relationship. Have clarity on and communicate your values, boundaries and deal breakers.

A problem or pain exists in your relationship to draw your attention to something that needs to be resolved, a skill that needs to be learnt, a reason to pause and reflect on your choices…and a chance to grow and transform. It is not in the ‘highs’ of life that your relationship is strengthened. Rather it’s in the ‘lows’; those periods when situations challenge us, when we are pushed beyond our limits, when loved ones and people we trust hurt/disappoint/betray us.

all we needAnd yet, these are your finest moments to BE who you really are! Begin to see ‘PROBLEMS or PAIN POINTS’ as gifts to your relationships! God will NEVER give you more than you can bear. You are GREATER than any challenge, obstacle or pain. BE and B.E.A.M: Be Everything And More!

Remember this: You  are blessed beyond your wildest imaginations. You are worthy of a loving, trusting, passionate relationship. You are deserving. You were created to love and be loved, unconditionally. In love were you created, with love were you moulded, through love were you redeemed. God is love and you are made in his own image and likeness. You are love. Do not ever sell yourself short! May love always find you willing, open and ready. Have a love-filled life!

Some great relationship books and resources:

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray

The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

Join the conversation on our Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork

-Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA

Poet | Master-Certified Leadership Coach-Trainer -Consultant|

~Take empowered ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU!~


Blogger Bio:

FB PIC High RezThe preceding is a guest post from Juliet Ume, MBA –Co-Founder and Executive Director at Whole Woman Network. Juliet is the author of the upcoming books: “UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership”  and “Today, I Will Not Bow”.  A self-described Life-Connoisseur, who loves life and the whole human experience, Juliet was nicknamed a ‘reminderist’,  [one who reminds us of that which we already know; that we are not fractured or broken and NOW is the perfect time to replace that fallacy with a new, beautiful truth: we are worthy, empowered, complete, whole creatures and our life journey is to return to wholeness]!

She is a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Leadership, Investment & Financial Literacy for women and youth (especially girls). Her mission is simply to engage, educate and empower women, regardless of their levels of income or background, to return to ‘wholeness’ and live Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier Lives using Faith-based, Scientific and Universal (Common-Sense) principles! Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Enjoy some of her portfolio of poems on her Floetry Blog and follow her daily reflective posts on Facebook.

Her message is simply: “To use the power of written-spoken-sung WORDS to connect, heal, empower, change and transform our inner and outer worlds. Words have power in the meaning and interpretation we choose to give them and all of life is synchronistic poetry in motion! Are you telling empowering stories about yourself and others?” 

DAY 10: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

ApologizingQuestions of the Day: Who are you in your relationships? What do you allow or let go? How authentic are you to your values? How courageous are you in treating yourself with acceptance, love and respect?

How true are you in speaking your own truth? Do you realize that until you love and accept yourself as you are, it is difficult for someone else to love you?

Are you strong enough to teach others how you want to be treated? Or are you afraid to own your own half of the bargain? What does agape love mean to you? What does unconditional love mean to you? What does acceptance and forgiveness mean to you?

Do you know your deal-breakers? Are you consistent in establishing who you really are? It takes courage to stay and fight for your vision of love and it also takes courage to let go and walk away when that vision is no longer worth fighting for.

Only YOU can make a choice that better reflects your innermost values. Begin topaz attention to your most important relationships: with God, your creator and with yourself. Everything else flows from this.

Are you sitting on the toxic fence or have you really DECIDED? When you decide and commit, the universe makes way for you. And if you’ve given everything you’ve got and it still doesn’t work out, perhaps God has a better plan for you and you need to experience the pain in order to let go.

At the core of our transformational Training, Leadership and Coaching programs at Whole Woman Network, are principles of Self-Love, Self-Accountability and Self-Leadership. You have the unique gift and ability to co-create your life and design your destiny with God. Own it!

WWN Reflection DAY 10: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

Today’s focus is on RELATIONSHIPS. Whatever you seek in your relationships, have clarity on what you want! Focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. Then, simply surround yourself with people who depict and live it.

If you seek love, surround yourself with people who are IN love and are faithful, caring, trusting and LOVING to each other. Everything and everyone is energy! Their essence slowly rubs off on you. Monkey see, monkey do, so find the monkeys doing it the right way and model/adapt/learn from them! Stop arguing for the limitations in your relationships and begin to focus on your vision of your relationships (and take aligned action steps to bring it to life). The blame game kills a relationship. Until you take responsibility for co-creating your relationship, you may keep repeating the undesirable outcomes. It takes two to dance relationship ajasco! 🙂

Take the time to deeply analyze and reflect on all the relationships you’ve been surrounded by from childhood till date. Whether you believe it or not, they affected your perspective and choices. You may need to UN-Learn certain traits, behaviours and characteristics. We’re like sponges, we soak up past experiences, consciously or unconsciously, and sometimes live it in our present lives, often, outside of our own awareness.

We are sometimes pre-disposed to good or bad things in our culture, upbringing, education, religion, environment, career…Become more aware of the choices you make and the belief systems you hold. Ask yourself honest questions.

Develop a mindset that reflects who you are and what you value. Begin to replace undesirable behaviours and patterns with healthier strategies. You can create the relationships of your dreams. Not perfect yet perfect for you. You know yourself better than anyone else. Know who and whose you are. Be CONGRUENT in your private and public lives.

You have a choice to either be ‘RIGHT’ or to have a happy and healthy Relationship. You have a choice to either blindly follow the dictates of the world- family, friends, media or you may choose to build and develop your own unique relationship style that works for you! Until we allow ourselves to be fully vulnerable, accepting and forgiving, we cannot experience the fullness of love. Love is not an absence of hurt, disappointment or pain.

Love is simply LOVE, PERIOD! It just is…As the saying goes: Follow your heart and take your head with you! You need both to navigate the waters of life. Past“Happily Ever After” is a facetious term. It does not mean our relationships are free of challenges or stormy waters, it simply means we CHOOSE and FIGHT to be happy regardless of the storms.

It has little or nothing to do with choosing to stay or leave a relationship, rather, it is your ability to live and honour your own truth and values about love and life! The moment you stop being you is the moment you really DIE. Are you being YOU in all your relationships?

Wherever You GoIf you do not look inwards to fix the pains that show up in your current relationship, they may follow you wherever you go. You may physically ‘leave’ a relationship and yet carry with you its poison(s).

The purpose of pain, therefore, is to direct our attention to something that needs to be resolved, a skill that needs to be built up, a talent that is long-buried, a boundary that needs to be set or simply, a reason to reflect on our past and present choices, so that we are empowered to create a more compelling and beautiful future for ourselves.

Intimate relationships (good or ‘bad’), are ultimately, gifts to us because they allow us to really know and understand ourselves. They push our limits and boundaries and compel us to ‘see’ who we really are, who we’re capable of becoming and finally, who we DECIDE to be. Relationship is like a boat that requires the two people in it to row their own share, in oder to arrive safely at shore. Even in stormy waves, as long as each partner carries their own weight, it is easier ton thrive and have joy and fulfilment in the journey.

As long as both partners are sincerely focused on the bigger picture, their action steps will flow seamlessly, from this foundation of trust, communication and commitment. Ultimately, it is freestyle, as what works for A may not work for B. We are human  and also social beings, sometimes different dynamics occur based on peculiar situations, such as health challenges(mental-physical-emotional, spiritual), economic realities, cultural and environmental dictates, upbringing, education, religion  and other meta models.

One of my favourite quotes that I find most succinct and insightful on the nature of partnerships in relationships is by Ify Olejeme Odunlami: “Equality in a relationship lies in the understanding that this is a partnership. Every couple makes their own rules. Kitchen and cooking is not what determines equality. Some men love to cook just like some women do. Some women are breadwinners.

If you want a happy home, broker your terms. In the end, it’s about supporting each other. If you have superior earning power as a woman, go out there and make money for your family, don’t let your hubby slug his way into a heart attack. If your wife is overwhelmed with her work , chip in so that she can have more time to spend with you and the kids. Happy family first.” ~Ify Olejeme Odunlami (as shared on her Facebook page, on 12.08.14; accessed on 12.11.2014)

Another relationship quote that I find inspiring  and tend to repeat quite often, is by Ernie Pavan, co-founder of Human Potential International, HPI:

“Relationships with Spouses (existing and/or ex) and Closest Family Members, Colleagues & Friends, are our biggest opportunities for transformation.

In the world of perception is projection, they become OR represent our deepest, innermost pains, fears, challenges, nightmares (or luckily, our goals and dreams), manifested alive. So become more present. Pay ATTENTION to your life!

We come together, not by accident, but rather through a deliberate divine synchronism, to perhaps celebrate, share, heal, create, connect, build, unlock or become aware of something important in our lifetime.

Fix your pain and life will open up. If you’re willing to find and solve your pain, (and what your pain is doing or not doing for you), you will find your power, passion, purpose, profit and path by simply replacing the role of your pain with a healthier strategy, behaviour and/or choice.

The reason your pain exists is to draw your attention to something important for your growth and to increase your ability to become a beacon for others around you.” ~Ernie Pavan

I hope you all have a great week ahead and I leave you with these words to reflect on and ponder upon for the week: “Dance even when there’s no music; smile even through your tears; take action even when the world holds you down; rejoice even when it all seems bleak. You create your own rhythm, you create your own atmosphere….Create beauty even in your ashes!” ~Excerpt from my upcoming book: Unlocking Your HeArt of Leadership~

Join the conversation on Facebook: www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork


Juliet Ume in polka dot topThe preceding is a guest post from Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA –Co-Founder and Executive Director of Whole Woman Network. Juliet is the author of the upcoming books: “UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership”  and “Today, I Will Not Bow”.  A self-described Life-Connoisseur, who loves life and the whole human experience, Juliet was nicknamed a ‘reminderist’,  [one who reminds us of that which we already know; that we are not fractured or broken and NOW is the perfect time to replace that fallacy with a new, beautiful truth: we are worthy, complete, whole and our life journey is to return to wholeness]!

She is a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Leadership, Investment & Financial Literacy for women and youth (especially girls). Her mission is simply to raise a new generation of  transformational leaders in Africa by engaging, educating and empowering women, regardless of their levels of income or background, to return to ‘wholeness’ and live Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier Lives using Faith-based, Scientific and Universal (Common-Sense) principles! Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Enjoy some of her portfolio of poems on her Floetry Blog and follow her daily reflective posts on Facebook.

Her message is simply: “To use the power of written-spoken-sung WORDS to connect, heal, empower, change and transform our inner and outer worlds. Words have power in the meaning and interpretation we choose to give them and all of life is synchronistic poetry in motion! Are you telling empowering stories about yourself and others?” 

WWN’s Total Transformation and Life-Coaching Program: ’90-Days to a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU!’

This Life-Transforming Coaching Program is definitely for you if:

 YOU feel a big disconnect between the life you’re living now and your inner life’s purpose and passions and you want to unlock your potentials;
 YOU sometimes feel a sense of being ‘stuck’ and held back as a result of upbringing, culture, society, religion, environment, status, media and family;
 YOU want to find your inner voice, use it, simply let your voice be heard and make a difference;
 YOU have a burning desire to create and live your best life NOW. You are ready to unlearn a lifetime of unhealthy habits based on ‘scarcity’ and ‘being broken’ and replace them with new choices based on a mindset of ‘abundance’ and ‘wholeness’;
 YOU are ready to re-focus and re-install healthy wealth strategies and achieve the 3 silos of wealth: financial stability, financial independence and financial freedom;
 YOU feel stressed-out, burnt-out, over-extended, over-worked, under-appreciated and want to achieve a healthy balance in your work-life choices;
 YOU are sick and tired of playing the ‘Shame-Blame-Pain’ game and you’re ready to break the cycle, own your crap, re-frame past events and celebrate life NOW by taking empowered action steps;
 YOU are willing to play and engage in the game of life at 100%, take personal responsibility and accountability of your reality and develop a new Physiology and Psychology of Excellence;
 YOU want to establish healthy boundaries for yourself and loved ones (spouses, siblings, parents, in-laws, friends and colleagues);
 YOU are ready to get off the ‘toxic’ fence and take concrete action towards your magnificent self;
 YOU desire to gain mastery and take control of your financial, physical, emotional and spiritual health and want to learn how to monetize your skills, talents, passions and pains;
 YOU are willing to surrender your ‘egoic’ self and your attachment to being ‘right’ and ‘broke’ and finally re-claim your gift of a joyous, healthy, wealthy and abundant life;
 YOU are overwhelmed, financially stressed and living from one pay-cheque to one week before another pay-cheque;
 YOU feel held down and weighed down by past hurts, pains, limiting beliefs and negative emotions;
 YOU are finally willing to stop re-playing the stories of drama and self sabotage in your head and start celebrating self-love today;
 YOU are willing and ready to make the mental shift from the victim (‘woe me’) quadrant to an empowered victor (‘wow me’) quadrant;
 YOU want to break out of the ‘rat race’, stop working for money and create new sustainable patterns and strategies to make your money work for you;
 YOU are struggling to make your ends meet in life and seeking skills to empower you so that you can better manage your resources: time, energy, networks and money;
 YOU want to experience beauty from the inside-out; to transform from drab and flabby to fabulous and sexy, and step out into life in colours, with a new confident bounce in your smile, walk and talk;
 YOU want to step into your Empowered self and claim your ‘Fundamental Woman Right’ to a life of Love, Respect and Joy;
 YOU have a deep passion and burning desire to empower others and a keen desire to leave a worthy legacy behind!


Whole Woman Network is a Wealth Management and Life-Coaching Social Enterprise for women of colour. Our belief is that all women, regardless of income levels and backgrounds, can be equipped with the right tools to live their healthiest, Sexiest, Wealthiest lives!Whole Woman Network

At Whole Woman Network, we take a unique approach to Life-Coaching. Our coaching program is based on: Faith-based principles, Science (Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Behavioral Science, and top Mind-Body Tools such as Time-Line Therapy™), Universal principles and plain old ‘Common-Practical’ Sense!

It is a tested approach that is results-driven and based on agreed upon measurable outcomes. We understand the critical roles of mindset, society, education, culture and faith on shaping human habits, behaviour and character. Thus, the focus is on sustainable behavioral re-patterning and ACTIONABLE steps! We aim to provide women of colour with a compelling ‘call-to-action’ on issues affecting their overall well-being (with an emphasis on wealth, financial literacy and financial stress management), by empowering them with tools to gain mastery over ALL facets of their lives.

“The old way of thinking is as if you were the lowly servant of a king or the daughter of a slave. This old way is built on a fallacy and pre-supposes that you are broken and incomplete. It’s a new dawn. The new message is that you are and have always been the daughter of a KING. You are complete. It is based on an eternal TRUTH! This is the season to return to wholeness. Step into your magnificence. Greatness resides in YOU! The world is waiting for you.”
~Excerpt from WWN’s Total Transformation & Life-Coaching Journal: ’Take ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU! ~

For more information contact us: 

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