Tag Archive | Mental health

Surround Yourself with the Dreamers and the Doers…..

You are the average“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.” ~Edmund Lee

Here are 7 Quotes and nuggets of wisdom to buttress the need for you to constantly surround yourself with the right people, environment and opportunities.

Greatness can be attained by constantly following others who reflect that which you seek to have. Meditate and Reflect on the following and take ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU! #BridgingTheIntegrityGap

1.  “Celebrity-worship and hero-worship should not be confused. Yet we confuse them everyday, and by doing so we come dangerously close to depriving ourselves of all real role models. We lose sight of the men and women who do not simply SEEM great because they are famous but are famous because they are great. We come closer and closer to degrading all fame to notoriety. ~ Daniel J. Boorstin

2. “Who and What you stare at and listen to long enough, you begin to look and think like.” ~An old African proverb

3. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” ~Jim Rohn

life is too short4.  “People inspire you or they drain you, pick wisely!” ~Hans F. Hansen~

5. “Create a set of great personal values and surround yourself with the right people that can form your support system. Have an optimistic spirit and develop a strong purpose that you completely believe in and everything you can imagine is possible, for you.” ~Andrew Horton

6. “If you find yourself at the head of the class, you’re in the wrong class. It’s time to find a new class.” ~John Maxwell

7. “No matter how skillful you are, if you are with the wrong team your star will not shine. You’ll only keep struggling but results will be far from you. Quit ‘Camp Losing’ for ‘Camp Winning’. Surround yourself with a bunch of winners and see yourself winning big.” ~Unknown

Here are my thoughts for creating your own ‘environment’:

todayHave a deep awareness of the environment you’re in, either by choice or by default. Who and What are you surrounding yourself with? Who and What are you constantly watching and listening to, in real life, on the radio, television, internet?

Become more aware of what you allow into your space and what you contribute when you’re in other people’s spaces. Pay attention to all your interactions; meetings, groups, chatrooms, both online and offline. Know when to disconnect and reconnect.

In a fight between you and your environment, chances are your environment often wins! So if your physical universe is strife with corruption, evil and indiscipline, counteract it by reading motivational, inspiring and life-transforming books.

Take little action steps that unplug you from the rot around. Be your own inner light. Lead yourself with integrity and be gentle too. The best time to start is always NOW!

The more you complain and talk about what is NOT right, the more it sucks you in. Stop the blame game, no one ever won it. Look for positive lights in the seeming darkness, seek out other like-minded people who want to make a difference, no matter how small.

FOCUS on what can be and use up your energy to add and create value. Focus on what you want, do not waste your resources on what you do not want. WE create the society of our dreams. Take action on what you know, the path reveals itself with each step. To know better and not do better is an even bigger pain and disservice!

5 peopleLearn to be a fantastic FOLLOWER. Follow great people, follow happy & joyous people, follow wise people, follow people making a meaningful difference.

Follow healthy people, follow ethical people who are wealth & value-creators, follow people who’re beautiful inside-out, follow successful experts in the fields you’re interested in, follow focused people, follow all that is great and wonderful. Follow people that will challenge, motivate and inspire you to ACTION!

It is a fact that their aura will rub off on you because you BECOME that which you constantly surround yourself with.

DO YOU HAVE A CLEAR VISON FOR YOUR LIFE? Are you moving towards or away from the vision you have for yourself?What do you really want out of life? Are you currently living your dream life, career, business, relationships? You have the power of co-creation and transformation, unlock and use it! Assess and check the crowd you’re presently in. Ask yourself honestly: does this crowd serve your purpose, does it align with your ultimate divine destiny? Adapt a new middle name: ‘FOLLOW-FOLLOW’.

Begin to follow leaders in the different areas you wish to excel in. I do not refer to the blind, ego-stroking, sycophantic, worship of supposedly ‘successful’ but fake people! I mean a beautiful, humble and respectful ‘mentor-mentee’ relationship based on an authentic exchange of values because we are all INTRINSICALLY VALUABLE!

take actionYour environment either shapes you or you adapt to it. Very few people have succeeded in shaping their environments. So be careful of what and who you are allowing into your space.

Learn from mentors and role models around you, adapt their principles, strategies and and apply them in your life. Yes, it is possible, you can CHOOSE to follow your way to GREATNESS.

First, seek intellectual knowledge and then, second, experiential knowledge (wisdom) by simply taking focused, consistent and aligned ACTION steps! (In the conjugation of life’s verbs, ‘TO DO’ is always more powerful than ‘to say’.

In the words of Tony Robbins: “You simply become who you spend time with. The quality of your life is proportional to the quality of your relationships.” Therefore, it is important to model other people who are already exemplary in different aspects of their behaviours, habits, characters etc.

Add these to your ‘TO DO’ list this week:

1. Identify and write down 3 key areas you wish to grow and develop in (They may be in your professional/personal life);

2. Identify 3 role models/mentors who are at the top of their game in these areas;

3. Follow them! Join their mailing lists, sign up for their webinars, seminars, workshops, events etc.

4. Each week, apply at least one learning from mentors/coaches to your life;

5. Keep on practicing what you’ve learned until it becomes a part of your neurology i.e. you cannot help but just do it!

6. Teach what you’ve learned to others (or at least one person). When we teach, we re-install all the learnings and consolidate them in our lives. So share everything you know with as much people as you can!

7. Celebrate your journey, and rejoice over every single milestone. Reflect, reassess and revamp the process and keep the learning window always open. There is always more….make room in your heart, mind, spirit and soul to keep learning, growing and evolving. When we stop growing, we are dead! *Note that as you grow and transform, your list of role models also evolves.

In the words of Jim Rohn: ‘The greatest room in the world is the room for self improvement.”

Send us an email (wholewomannetworkinc@gmail.com or info@wholewomannetwork.com), with your top 3 most important role models/mentors. As always, WWN will give away 3 motivational/inspirational books at the end of the month to three lucky participants.

(Our 3 picks are: Brene Brown’s ‘Gift of Imperfection’, Malcolm Gladwell’s David and Goliath’, and Paulo Coelho’s ‘Manuscript found in Accra’). Remember, life is a wonderful game and a wonderful daring adventure, it all depends on HOW you choose to look at it! Dare to play at 100% or NOT at all! Have fun and Good luck. Enjoy your journey to greatness!!!

Bloggers NoteFrom a grateful heart, with love:  I am thankful for the following Heroes and SHEroes who have shaped and continue to shape the person I was yesterday, who I am now and who I’m becoming tomorrow. Some have passed away, some I have met in person and others have become close friends and invaluable close-knit family of cyber-mentors/coaches.

My loving husband and amazing children, my ancestors, my mom, Bridget Ume, My dad, Cyprian Ume(RIP), Kate Okoro, all my ‘sister-friends’ (you all know yourselves…), my siblings and family, my wonderful in-laws, Jean N. Pere.

And others such as Marie Forleo, Mary Okobi (RIP), Tony Robbins, Crystal Andrus, Ali Brown, Oby Ezekwesili, Chimamanda Adichie, Maxamed Ibraahin Warsame Hadraawi, Sufi, King David :-), Connie Podesta, Kathy Ireland, Eugenia Abu, Les Brown, Sandi Krakowski, Lisa Sasevich, Uche Eze, Jerry Roberts, Jordan Adler, Cody Bateman.

Others include: Hilary Clinton, Maya AngelouOprah WinfreyIyanla Vanzant, Brene Brown, Leke Alder, Funmi Iyanda, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Marianne Williamson, Pope John Paul II (RIP), T. Harv Eker, Suze OrmanGail Vaz-Oxlade, Bimbo Odukoya (RIP), Funmi Ransome-Kuti, Nina Jean, Nana Asma’u, Margaret Ekpo, Joyce Meyer, Akachi Adimora-Ezeigbo, The Bridge family….(and so many cool people I got to meet via social media).

I am grateful to the human potential, leadership, coaching and private wealth management professional communities. In particular, I am especially thankful to the thousands of people, from so many different countries, with whom I connect through social media, face-to-face, via email or telephone. Thank you for taking up the courage to live your best lives NOW, with purpose, passion and power!

And a huge thank you to those that I have never met in person, who unfailingly, send in their heartfelt testimonials/stories and are always so willing and happy to share their hearts and thus, make a difference in the lives of others! You honour me with your presence. We are all connected, and we all share a common humanity. Thank you for holding sacred space for the rest of us.

Who is in your circle of five (5)? Who are you following? Who are your favourite role models, teachers, mentors and coaches?

Join the conversation on our page: www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork

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Be social! Read| Like| Comment| Share|  Thank you 🙂

Love, Light & Truth!

-Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA (www.Julietkego.com)

Poet | Master-Certified Leadership Coach-Trainer -Consultant|

Co-Founder & Executive Director, Whole WoMan Network

Raising a New Generation of Transformational, Ethical & Creative African Leaders

#BridgingTheIntegrityGap

~Take empowered ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU!~

[Photo credit: Pictures sourced from Google images]

Follow me on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Read my daily reflective posts on Facebook.

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DAY 26: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ~Socrates~

law of attractionWWN Reflection DAY 26: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

Today’s focus is on revisiting some old sayings, quotes and proverbs and adapting them to become more aligned with this new value-based, empathy-driven economy. I think that perhaps sometimes we are so set in a particular model of the world that it holds us back from enjoying the fullness of life all around us.

I love the idea of periodically ‘checking in’ on our existing value construct and even loosening our Model of the World (MOTW), in order to allow new perspectives and pathways of creative solutions.

Sometimes, we hold beliefs and run unconscious programs that are in conflict with what we wish to manifest in life.

Just because something has always been a particular way does not mean it cannot be looked at differently and given a ‘newer’, more empowering interpretation. So here are my newest ways of looking at the world.

1. Old Economy: “Fake it until you make it.” Which loosely translates to living a life that has little or nothing to do with authenticity, tell ‘made up’ stories (not your true stories), simply to brag, impress and make yourself look ‘bigger.’ The irony is of course that in living and doing business this way, you diminish your true value. This is also one of the main reasons people rack up obscene high-debt levels!

New Economy: “Focus all your energy on making it, so that you never have to fake it!” This suggests that you channel every resource you have towards your goals. Become one with your goals, and take quantum leaps and create value by solving problems, while sharing your truth and telling your unique story and journey! People can sense, small and feel B.S from a mile, so be yourself, period. It’s also way healthier for your life overall. As the saying goes: “When you tell the truth you do not have to remember anything.”

So rather than blindly following the ‘Joneses’, begin to set yourself apart as an original and simply take action towards your purpose. Life is much more fun and less stressful in the ‘REAL’ zone. The ‘FAKE zone, may initially be thrilling, however it ultimately drains, depresses and depletes because the brain simply does not have that strong a firewall to fuel the various incongruent parts! It is healthier to ‘sew your cloth according to your material’ and not according to your size.

2. Old Economy: “Forgive but don’t forget.” In order words, cling on to the myth of your non-existent pain in the present and create a future based on it. Fight the healing power of time and continue to perpetuate your ‘woe me’ story.

New Economy: “Forgive AND Forget.” The whole essence of forgiveness is the willingness, courage and acknowledgement of what has happened, the vulnerability to embrace and feel the pain it caused and yet decide to let it go. Forgiveness is total surrendering and acceptance. You forgive and forget both the pain and its perpetrator, rather, focus on what the experience taught you.

forgiveIt is a DECISION to release and free up your heart to love and experience joy fully.

True forgiveness does not hold on to the event, rather it filters only the learnings from the event. It also gifts you with the ability to set firmer and clearer boundaries to others.

So with the passage of time, re-telling the story of your past pain simply becomes content-free (less focused on the drama), and more focused on preserving and sharing the learnings. This is true empowerment.

3. Old Economy: “It is better to teach a man how to fish than to give him fish.” Sometimes, it is important to know the other person’s model of the world and perhaps even enter it in order to gently, yet firmly guide them to navigate their way to a new understanding and hopefully, embrace healthier options and choices.

New Economy: “It is good to give a man fish, it is better to teach him how to fish and it is best to give him some fish while you teach him, lest he quenches before the lessons are finished.” In an empathy-driven economy, we acknowledge that one size never fits all and there’s a need to meet people at their level in order to lift them up to where they really belong or aspire to reach.

Habit4. Old Economy: The law of attraction was based on feeling only ‘positive’ feelings, using your powers of imagination and focus. It was largely based on the notion that ‘You attract whatever you want.’

New Economy: This postulates a revised law of attraction based on feeling ALL your feelings, gaining mastery of your internal representation (state mastery) and the idea that what ever you are, have or do, essentially flows from who you are BEING. Thus, ‘you attract who you are.’

It also focuses a lot on taking congruent and consistent ACTION. The law of Attraction is simply the law of manifestation (of your actions). Thus, the questions you should answer are: ‘Who are you really BEING when you’re DOING what you’re doing? ‘Are you congruent and are your values aligned, in your thoughts, words and action steps, in both your inner and outer lives?’ In the words of Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do!

4. Old Economy: “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.”

New Economy: Here, there’s a need to reflectively think about what you do in the wake of any situation. Is your default reaction to see it through the ‘victim lens’ or do you see life through the ‘opportunity lens?’ In the new economy, everything you encounter and everyone you interact with offer you new learning and an opportunity for collaboration, synergy and growth. You must have a deep awareness of who you are and also have the courage to embrace all of you, both your weaknesses and your strengths!

lemonsThus, When life hands you Lemons:
a) YOU complain and gripe that they are not ripe enough, big enough, sweet enough. OR

b) YOU ignore them and waste your time searching for apples, till someday, you get famished and realize the lemons are now rotten and have gone bad. OR

c. YOU get angry and become permanently mad at the world. To express your self-justified anger and self-inflicted pain, you throw the lemons at others.

Or cut them up and squirt the juice into people’s eyes so that they too can experience your pain and desolation. And then you all hang out and swap stories of your pain, while drinking your bitter tequila/gin/lemon filled cup. OR

d) YOU are grateful for your lemons and embrace the challenge and opportunity they hold. And even though you may prefer apples or oranges, you  decide to take action, turn them into lemonade and sell it all for profit.

Also, you plant the seeds and grow a lemon orchard. You begin to attract like-minded people who embraced their lemons. And you share ideas and joint-venture with them. Then, with the profits from your deals, you buy apples (your preferred fruit) 🙂 and bigger, riper, sweeter lemons which you sell (and give some away) to those in group (a), (b) and (c)!

In fact, you become so busy creating  different opportunities, and consequently, enriching your inner and outer world. Your lemons suddenly become the keys that unlock your life’s purpose! It all starts with a simple step.

push yourselfWhatever skills, talents, energy, money, time, passions, pains, relationships/networks…be grateful for them and use them passionately, powerfully and purposefully.

Everything you have in your life right NOW, whether good or ‘bad’, are your life lemons. the choice of what to do with them is yours.

You have the unique talents and skills to co-create your reality and design your destiny. Are you ready to take a chance and bet on YOU? Are you ready to get out of your own damn way? 🙂

The questions then become: Will you continue to sit on the toxic fence and continue telling ‘woe me’ stories of blaming, complaining, condemning and justifying why life handed you ‘bad’ lemons OR will today be the day you decide to take ACTION in the direction of your dreams and goals?

Are you ready to hear, see and live your truth by telling ‘wow me’ stories of yourself, taking control of your destiny and owning up to the responsibility and consequences for your actions and results?

Your goals are your sacred contracts you hold with yourself. If you are not willing to honour your commitment to yourself, it is near impossible to honour your commitment to others. Conversely, the universe returns to you exactly what you put out.

Say your goals exactly how you want them and take congruent actions to fulfil them. BE who you want to become. You can attract only what and who you are. Dream wonderful dreams and co-create your destiny with God!

Join the conversation on our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork

Make it a fabulous day!

-Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA

Poet | Master-Certified Leadership Coach-Trainer -Consultant|

~Take empowered ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU!~

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Blogger Bio:

FB PIC High RezThe preceding is a guest post from Juliet Ume, MBA –Co-Founder and Executive Director at Whole Woman Network. Juliet is the author of the upcoming books: “UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership”  and “Today, I Will Not Bow”.  A self-described Life-Connoisseur, who loves life and the whole human experience, Juliet was nicknamed a ‘reminderist’,  [one who reminds us of that which we already know; that we are not fractured or broken and NOW is the perfect time to replace that fallacy with a new, beautiful truth: we are worthy, empowered, complete, whole creatures and our life journey is to return to wholeness]!

She is a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Leadership, Investment & Financial Literacy for women and youth (especially girls). Her mission is simply to engage, educate and empower women, regardless of their levels of income or background, to return to ‘wholeness’ and live Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier Lives using Faith-based, Scientific and Universal (Common-Sense) principles! Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Enjoy some of her portfolio of poems on her Floetry Blog and follow her daily reflective posts on Facebook.

Her message is simply: “To use the power of written-spoken-sung WORDS to connect, heal, empower, change and transform our inner and outer worlds. Words have power in the meaning and interpretation we choose to give them and all of life is synchronistic poetry in motion! Are you telling empowering stories about yourself and others?” 

 

DAY 22: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

change life“Nobody’s role is to give your life meaning or make you happy. You give it to yourself based on your relationship with your creator. True joy comes from within. Joy is your God-given right, irrespective of your situation or relationship status. You condemn yourself to the left axis of hurts, doubts, fears, sadness…when you look outside for joy. We make choices about how we feel about ourselves (good or bad), and are drawn to people who make us feel that way. Most relationships begin to crumble once we begin to feel differently about ourselves and the other party still sees us the same way.” ~Connie Podesta~

WWN Reflection DAY 22: Take ACTION and Transform Your Life!

Today’s focus is on RELATIONSHIP. As you enjoy your weekend, here are some nuggets to reflect upon. (Excerpt from my upcoming book: ‘UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership.’)

Follow your heart1. Renew your relationship everyday. It has its own distinct energy, separate from the individual energy of the people in it. Be open to learning new things about each other. What you THINK you know can get in the way of what you NEED to know. Let go of the attachment to being ‘right’ all the time in your relationship. It gets in the way of the joy and beauty unfolding ‘right now’ with your partner. Avoid keeping scores. It kills off the growth buds of your relationships.

You are in each other’s lives for a purpose; to love, to heal your pains and wounds, to create light and joy, share, to grow, to bear witness of God’s glory in you, to transform and to give and receive energy.

You come into the relationship already whole and complete. To think otherwise and shift the responsibility of making you feel ‘complete’ to your spouse, is setting them up on a pedestal from which they’ll surely fall off at some point. We enter into relationships with our strengths and also frailties, we are humans first and not ‘knights’ in shinning armours or ‘damsels’ in distress. Both parties bear the equal responsibilities of ‘saving’ each other. 1+1 =1! All parties must play at 100% or not at all.

Be responsible and have a deep sense of awareness of how you choose to exchange energy with each other. The moment we are disconnected from God, the eternal source, we are disconnected from ourselves and consequently, we begin to manifest that disconnect in our relationships.

“We tend to marry our unconscious mind, and then project unto it all of our unresolved stuff.” ~Carl Jung~

The moment the real purpose of the relationship is lost, it dies or disfigures itself into a source of pain, resentment and a hellish existence that drains both parties. Take the time to refocus the purpose of your relationships. Constantly build up a bank of positive emotions and beautiful memories. Your currencies are loving smiles, touches, kind words, mutual hobbies, fun dates, shared jokes, trips/unique experiences, delightful surprises, loyalty, commitment, intimacy, patience, presence, gifts, respect, generosity, forgiveness and most of all kindness.

Deposit daily and consistently into your ‘relationship banks’. Once in a while make huge lump deposits. When the storms arise, your deposits would yield interests of loving memories and these will be the back-up resources that will sustain you. A relationship without an active reserve goes bankrupt at the slightest wind or wisp of trouble.

Sometimes we may have to unlearn the old to learn the new. Keep your mind open, you just never know. People evolve and grow, decide to grow together. Most relationships die because one partner grows and the other stays the same or both grow in different directions. The more we have certain deep values in common, the more our relationship flourishes. We learn new things everyday, your prayer should be that you each become a better version of yourself tomorrow than you were today and that you share these persons you’re both becoming with each other.

Don’t stay stunted! Do better, choose to constantly GROW your relationship in the right direction.  “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” ~Frank Zappa ~

Priority2. A relationship is an equal  partnership. Both parties are responsible for its growth and success. It is a team. It is the most sacred of teams. When working in a team, don’t ever let your ego get in the way of the work to be done or the joys to be enjoyed. Always begin with the outcome in mind. Focus on WHAT you want to achieve and not WHO does what. Make each other your biggest priority. In the words of Maya Angelo: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

When someone is your priority you expend most of your resources(time, money, energy), on them. It is not just what you say, it is how you say it. It is not just what you do, it is the intention and attitude with which you do it.

So many wonderful and once loving relationships failed because people are more concerned with BEING right than DOING right. Get rid of your attachment to being right. Focus on the type of relationships you desire to create: Loving, healthy and happy! Know when to LET IT GO or SWALLOW; swallow your pride, swallow the back-biting, swallow keeping score of your mutual weaknesses, swallow your anger. Relationships take work and it is important that you focus on getting the work done each day. And make sure you have fun in the process. If not, what’s the point?

Rainbow3.  The quality of your relationships should be based on the love you give, the value you add, the gifts and talents you share, your ability to transform each other’s lives and the positive changes you ignite. Each party acts as a catalyst to the other. You are reflections of the other. Your closest and most intimate relationships offer you a tremendous opportunity to grow and transform. “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~Carl G. Jung~

You are first and foremost, in a relationship with yourself. You go into a relationship with your own ‘bag’ of belief system, values, upbringing etc . Each person is responsible for their own bag of ‘stuff’. Be courageous, own and confront your own stuff, so that you free up your heart to fully love the one you’re with. Your stuff is shaped by your past, culture, family, values, environment, beliefs, education, etc.

Everyone has the same capacity for love. It just manifests differently. Do not play the compare and contrast game. The greatest gift of every relationship is unconditional love. Be grateful for what and who you have and not anxious for what you do NOT have. Be thankful and happy for what others have. Their path is different from yours. Love and focus on the one you’re with. Focus on giving and not on getting. The beauty with love is that we are transformed when we give and receive it completely and unreservedly.

Accept and forgive each other, unconditionally. Know the difference between compromising based on love and sacrificing based on fear. Grow in your relationship. Grow with your relationship. God’s grace is sufficient for us all, however it is a choice whether we tap into that grace or not.

Relationship

4. One of the dangers of thinking the grass is greener on the other side is that you may get to the other side and find out you’re allergic to that type of grass and you break out in terrible reactions. Be content with who/what/where you are. You have the power to co-create your relationships.

Your life is not an accident. The source of eternal joy dwells within you because you were created in God’s image. There’s a majesty within you. Why then do you seek completion from external possessions, titles, judgements? Avoid comparing and contrasting with others. Focus on building your home.

Do not surrender the power you have to valueless and meaningless things. Do not be a slave to the ego. The more congruent and content you are with who you are, the more empowered and loving your relationship will become.

5. Most relationships would flourish if we treated loved ones with the same kindness, courtesy and respect that we accord bosses, strangers and colleagues. Familiarity should not be an excuse for veiled contempt rather it should breed consideration and empathy.

Stop taking people for granted. Even loved ones deserve your sincere ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, ‘I’m sorry’….Simply saying ‘I love you’ is not enough, you also have to mean it, think it and act it out. This is because LOVE is a very fragile seed, and it needs the right atmosphere in order for the fruits to flourish. If not, it gradually wilts away and dies!

bricks6. If the FEAR of losing your relationship is what is holding you back from pursuing your passions, dreams and purpose, you’ll have a LONG wait because, like a shadow, the fear never goes away.

Arise into the light and tame the cobra of fear. ACT in spite of your fears. Fight for the relationship and create the reality you want. If you are afraid of being yourself in a relationship because of a need to ‘preserve and keep’ that relationship, chances are, the relationship is already broken and you’re simply wasting your life away, chasing and gathering the scattered, broken pieces while pretending to be someone else. That’s just exhausting!

If you find yourself more afraid of rocking the boat and more focused on preserving ‘peace’, know that you are no longer being yourself in that relationship, and that relationship boat’s probably already capsized! Allow relationships to evolve naturally.

Be authentic, be YOU. It is the pretence that destroys. You are already dead the moment you try to become something or someone you are not. A ghost cannot exist in a relationship. Be alive, choose to trust that you are enough. It is better to let go of a phantom relationship, than to lose your essence, soul and spirit. God made you for a purpose and you cannot fulfil it by being someone else!

7. Focus on exactly what you want in your relationship and not on the ‘problems’ ; what you do not want! What if your problem is not YOUR problem? What if your problem is simply just A problem? Quit taking things so personal, begin to let PROBLEMS/PAINS go when they’ve served their purpose in your relationship. Have clarity on and communicate your values, boundaries and deal breakers.

A problem or pain exists in your relationship to draw your attention to something that needs to be resolved, a skill that needs to be learnt, a reason to pause and reflect on your choices…and a chance to grow and transform. It is not in the ‘highs’ of life that your relationship is strengthened. Rather it’s in the ‘lows’; those periods when situations challenge us, when we are pushed beyond our limits, when loved ones and people we trust hurt/disappoint/betray us.

all we needAnd yet, these are your finest moments to BE who you really are! Begin to see ‘PROBLEMS or PAIN POINTS’ as gifts to your relationships! God will NEVER give you more than you can bear. You are GREATER than any challenge, obstacle or pain. BE and B.E.A.M: Be Everything And More!

Remember this: You  are blessed beyond your wildest imaginations. You are worthy of a loving, trusting, passionate relationship. You are deserving. You were created to love and be loved, unconditionally. In love were you created, with love were you moulded, through love were you redeemed. God is love and you are made in his own image and likeness. You are love. Do not ever sell yourself short! May love always find you willing, open and ready. Have a love-filled life!

Some great relationship books and resources:

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray

The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

Join the conversation on our Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/wholewomannetwork

-Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido, MBA

Poet | Master-Certified Leadership Coach-Trainer -Consultant|

~Take empowered ACTION towards a Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier YOU!~

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Blogger Bio:

FB PIC High RezThe preceding is a guest post from Juliet Ume, MBA –Co-Founder and Executive Director at Whole Woman Network. Juliet is the author of the upcoming books: “UN-Locking Your HeArt of Leadership”  and “Today, I Will Not Bow”.  A self-described Life-Connoisseur, who loves life and the whole human experience, Juliet was nicknamed a ‘reminderist’,  [one who reminds us of that which we already know; that we are not fractured or broken and NOW is the perfect time to replace that fallacy with a new, beautiful truth: we are worthy, empowered, complete, whole creatures and our life journey is to return to wholeness]!

She is a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Leadership, Investment & Financial Literacy for women and youth (especially girls). Her mission is simply to engage, educate and empower women, regardless of their levels of income or background, to return to ‘wholeness’ and live Healthier, Sexier, Wealthier Lives using Faith-based, Scientific and Universal (Common-Sense) principles! Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc, @julietumeinc. Enjoy some of her portfolio of poems on her Floetry Blog and follow her daily reflective posts on Facebook.

Her message is simply: “To use the power of written-spoken-sung WORDS to connect, heal, empower, change and transform our inner and outer worlds. Words have power in the meaning and interpretation we choose to give them and all of life is synchronistic poetry in motion! Are you telling empowering stories about yourself and others?” 

De-clutter! Detox! De-stress! Spring Cleaning for Your Home, Body and Life. (Part 1 of 3)

Part 1:  De-clutter – Spring Cleaning of the Home!

With spring, a season of nature’s renewal, well underway, it is a good time for us to renew ourselves with what I like to call the three D’s; De-clutter, Detox and De-stress. Very important to our overall well-being but too many of us do not get round to doing any one of the three. clean up

Why De-clutter, Detox and De-stress?  They all mean the same thing but address different areas of our lives; we De-clutter our homes, Detox our bodies and De-stress our minds! It is a wonderful way to rejuvenate our bodies,  free our minds and create spaces (spiritually, metaphorically and physically) for the wonderful things and people we want in our lives. Besides, your junk could be another persons’s treasure, why hang on to things you do not need or use?

Here are some ways you can achieve all of the 3 D’s.

De-clutter – Spring Cleaning of the Home!

Our immediate environment often reflects the state of our minds. Do you have a store of ‘treasures’ you seem to never get the time to sort? Are there items still in (a) box(s) from your last move, well over a year ago, that you have not and don’t seem likely to get to anytime soon?  Are there appliances and ‘important’ papers that you never seem to need or use but are taking up precious counter space? Is your closet full of old or fairly new clothes that you never wear but think you must have? If you answer yes to any or all these questions, then you are not alone and there is a way out.

Trying to tackle this issue can be overwhelming, especially in the case where items have accumulated over years, but it is achievable. It is one of those things that you really do need to approach in a very systematic way.  For those who have the resources who can hire a professional organizer to come in and work with you to get this done, by all means do so! it is money well spent. But those who cannot afford this or would rather channel available funds elsewhere, this is for you. Follow these tips; they will help you move forward.

  1. The first rule is, do not despair! This is one problem that definitely has a solution.
  2. Designate a donation box where you will put everything you think still has some use in them and could be used by others even though you may no longer have any use for them. This will cover from clothes to shoes, books, appliances, crockery, linen and even furniture. Granted you cannot put furniture in a box but you can put it aside
  3. If you have the space, create a designated area, either in the basement, shed or garage, to keep all these items together as you accumulate them. I however prefer to keep a donation box in each bedroom to be readily available throughout the length of this exercise.
  4. Start off by time-blocking at least half an hour every day to de-cluttering. Note that it does not matter what time of the day you schedule this in but make a firm DECISION to complete everything on your ‘to do’ list. Have a ‘Task-Consequences-Rewards’ mechanism to keep yourself on track. This creates a sense of a commitment and accountability. Regard this as an appointment or ‘contract’ with yourself.  Keep it!
  5. How do you decide what goes into the box? Here’s a simple rule of thumb: If you have not used the item for 6 months or more, you are most unlikely to need or use it; it is a sure candidate for donation or trashing. Either way, decide to get rid of it, today!
  6. Get the family involved. This can be difficult, especially if they are not usually involved with chores. It is necessary for all other members of the family to take responsibility in de-cluttering the house.  It is also a great way to create some family bonding time.
  7. Pace yourself and put things away methodically.  This is easier said than done! And if you have the attention span of a gnat like I do, after a while, it becomes tedious and boring. Switch it up by alternating chores and taking breaks in between.
  8. Play some good music as you organize your stuff. Choose “Pick-me-up” tunes that would keep you feeling like dancing, it does incredible things to your energy level. By all means sing along if you want.
  9. Keep at it till your box is full. At this point take a look around, could you still do with some more clearing? If yes, then do so.
  10. Take the reusable items in your box to the nearest donation centre and throw away all unusable items. Consider having a garage sale. It’s a fun way to meet people in your neighbourhood and get some extra cash too! And remember to reward yourself for your efforts and make sure you have lots of F.U.N in the process! spring cleaning

P.S: There are many wonderful organizations that you may donate your gently used items such as furniture, clothing, utensils to. Examples are Value Village (www.valuevillage.ca), Salvation Army (www.salvationarmy.ca) and Goodwill Stores (www.goodwill.on.ca). Visit their websites for any additional information.

Bloggers Note: This blog post is part 1 of 3 in my spring cleaning series: “De-clutter! Detox! De-stress! Spring Cleaning for Your Home, Body and Life!” Visit WWN’s blog for subsequent posts #2 (Detox – Spring cleaning for the body!) and #3 (De-stress – Spring cleaning for your life!)

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The preceding is a guest post from Diana Barikor, M.Ed- Program Manager at Whole Woman Network. Diana is an Educator and Community Developer with over 15 years experience. She’s passionate about facilitating conversations on growth and empowerment for women both personally and professionally. She engages life with a deep sense of curiosity and an understanding that development issues are dynamic and always evolving. Follow Whole Woman Network on Twitter @wholewomaninc.