Tag Archive | pastor Bimbo Odukoya

10 Things husbands wish their wives knew about sex by Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

The article below was written by Pastor Bimbo Odukoya (RIP).  Ladies, read it thoroughly, share with your network of friends and family. Most importantly, don’t forget to Practice! Practice! Practice! with your husband. Do not be deceived by the misrepresentations in the media and pop culture, SEX is still a sacred act for couples; It is fun way to connect, a beautiful way to communicate, a healthy way to relax, a profound way to worship your creator and celebrate each other. Through sex, you share your innermost essence, your bodies, souls and spirits! Monogamy and fidelity are still the best; To any young person reading this: Your virginity is not old-fashioned, it is still very ‘cool’, don’t ‘give it up’ just to ‘belong’! Of course, as humans, we all make mistakes but we should dust it off, seek grace and start all over again! Choose to wait rather than settle for crumbs! Meaningful, loving relationships lead to stronger families ties. Empowered Families=Empowered Society=Empowered Nations and a much better world! Enjoy the article. Relationship

10 things (in no particular order) that husbands wish their wives knew about sex: FOR WIVES!!! (I mean married women only). Lol

Sex is not optional in his mind – To a husband, sex is about right up there on the list with eating and breathing. Can he survive without it? Yes, but it’s not fun at all. Sex is to the man, what talking/communication is to the woman. If you would ask several wives if it would be okay if their husband didn’t listen or communicate with them for weeks at a time – well, you get the idea. Frequent sex = happy, attentive, listening, cuddling, caring, talking husband.

Husbands use sex to reconnect – Think of it this way: Let’s use the example of a cordless phone (bear with me here). Let’s say the husband is the cordless handset, and the wife is the base. The handset may hold a charge for a while off the base, maybe even for a couple of days. But sooner or later, the handset is going to have to be recharged/reconnected to the base to keep the battery charged, the programming updated, and the phone usable. When your husband comes home from a long day at work, and the first thing on his mind is sex, it’s not that he’s some sort of sex addict, it’s just him longing to “return to his base” and reconnect with his wife in a “ I’ve had a long day, and I need assurance that no matter how hard life gets, you and I are okay” way.

He doesn’t always want to be the one asking – Most husbands are fine with being the “sexual aggressor” most of the time, but if he is ALWAYS the one that is trying to start something, he starts to feel like you just “put up with him”, and don’t really care about sex. Every husband’s fantasy is to be sitting there on the couch, watching TV or whatever, and have his wife come over out of nowhere (obviously the kids aren’t around), straddle him, and start going at it. He wants to know that his wife DESIRES him sexually, not just PUTS UP WITH HIM sexually. This is a huge boost to his self-esteem and overall confidence.

He thinks you’re GORGEOUS, and you can’t change that – It doesn’t matter how you feel about that left over baby fat, or how you cringe when you look in the mirror and see those stretch marks – your husband couldn’t care less! He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, and even when he tells you this, you dismiss it, and say stuff like “thanks hon, but I don’t think so”, or “well, you may feel that way, but nobody else does”. Please don’t do this! Your husband isn’t trying to “put you on” by telling you he thinks your body is amazing – he truly thinks it is! You have to learn to accept the compliment as him being honest, and say thank you, instead of trying to play it off. And that leads me to my next point…

Sometimes he just wants to look at you NAKED – I can already see you rolling your eyes, but hear me out. If your husband is working hard to avert his eyes from every other sexual source besides his wife, not viewing any porn, not checking out the girl on the billboard, etc – he has a God-given need/desire/appetite to admire his wife’s naked body. I know this may seem strange to you, but it’s true. So, when you’re getting dressed in the morning, or ready for bed at night, don’t try to position yourself so he can’t see those parts of you. It’s okay! He’s not going to attack you and want to have sex (as long as you have a regular sex life), he just wants to appreciate your beauty for a little bit! Remember, you are his only sexual source!

Wouldn’t you rather have him looking at you, than some billboard model? I’ve heard a lot of wives say that they are scared if they allow their husbands to see them nude, they will want to have sex right that minute. If it’s been a week since you’ve made love, this may be true, but if you have sex regularly, sometimes it’s nice for him to just be able to admire what he thinks is the most amazing body he has ever seen. So linger a little while when you bend over to pick up your socks off the floor, or let your robe “accidentally” fall open a little when he walks by. Not only will he love it, but you just might find yourself thinking about sex a little more during the day, leading to a greater chance of you desiring intimacy later that night.

He loves it when you surprise him – By this I mean do something totally out of the ordinary, just for his benefit, and to see the look on his face. I’ve heard several wives say that they love to see the look on their husband’s face when they surprise him like that. You’ll have your husband wondering what’s gotten into you!

If you have to say “no” to sex, watch how you say it – I know it seems silly, but you have no idea how hard it is sometimes, for a man to get up the nerve to ask his wife if she wants to have sex. Usually he will try to “test the waters” first, by hinting at it, or maybe a little grab here and there, to see how you’ll respond. All this time there is a little argument going on in his head sounding something like this – “Just ask her! No, last time I asked her flat-out, she rolled her eyes and said something about that’s all I think about. Yeah, but this time it might work. Come on, I really want to make love. Can’t she see that? Maybe I’ll ask her later after dinner. Yeah, I’ll help with the kids and the dishes, and then ask later. (fast forward to 7 p.m) Okay, see, I got the dishes done, maybe I should hint at it now. Nah, I’ll wait until the kids go to bed. As soon as the kids go to bed, she’ll be able to think about me. She has to know it’s been a couple of days, I’m sure she’ll be okay with it. Right? (The kids go to bed). Okay, I think I’ll ask now! Wait, she looks like she’s got something going there on the computer, I’ll give her some time to get that done. I’ll just ask her when we go to bed, it will be more of a sure bet then anyway. (10 p.m rolls around, and they’re crawling into bed) Okay, I’m going to ask! “hey hon, do you want to make love?”

This is how it goes in a guy’s head when he’s thinking about asking for sex. Why? Because guys have this strange tendency to make sexual rejection (even with a good reason), a personal rejection. Since the need for regular sex with his wife is so much a part of who he is, any rejection of that need, feels like a rejection of HIM to your husband. I know this is hard to understand, and wives don’t mean it that way, but this goes for almost every husband I have ever talked to. Now obviously there are times when you are going to have to say “not tonight hon”, but the key is HOW YOU SAY IT. Don’t do it in a nonchalant or dismissing way. Remember, he has been working up the nerve to ask you for the past several hours most times. When you deny him, say something like this – “Hon, I love to have sex with you, but I just can’t do it tonight because (fill in the blank)” Then if he’s really pent-up, you could offer to help him out in another way besides intercourse, or give him a realistic date to “get a rain check”, like tomorrow morning, or the next evening.

That way he feels like you understand he has a legitimate need, he feels like you care, and he feels like you want to help him as soon as possible. You’re still saying “not tonight”, but he doesn’t feel like you don’t care, you’re just blowing him off, or that you think sex is not important. One other thing – sometimes if your husband has been thinking about you all day, and then for whatever reason, you have to turn him down that night, he may feel like he “can’t wait” until tomorrow (no fault of yours , sometimes it’s just hard to turn it off, after it’s on). If you roll over and offer him your help to get a quick release before you go to sleep, he will sleep much better, and you’ll be a hero in your husband’s eyes. You just showed him that you care, even if you can’t offer him sex right now. I can’t understate how much this will mean to him.

He LOVES to see you turned on – There is nothing quite as sexy to a husband, as seeing his wife thoroughly turned on, and enjoying sex. In the same way, there’s nothing quite as discouraging to a husband, as you laying there with an almost bored look on your face, and with the attitude of “would you just get it over with please, so I can go to sleep”. To your husband, his ability to arouse, stimulate, tease, drive you crazy with desire, and help you climax, is a huge part of what he feels his “worth” is as a husband. If he feels like he is failing in bed, he is going to be discouraged in other areas of life too. In contrast, if he feels his wife thinks he’s amazing in the bedroom, he is going to be much more confident and have a “I can conquer the world” attitude. You can help this by showing and telling him (not in a faking it way) how much he turns you on, or makes you feel good, as you’re making love. Obviously he’s not going to do everything right, but make sure you let him know when he DOES hit the right spot, or do something you find particularly hot.

Now I’ve heard wives ask the question “but what about those times that I’m not really into it, but am doing it because I love my husband, and know he needs it tonight?” Husbands understand you’re not going to have the same drive for sex that he has every time. He gets that. All he’s hoping for when this is the case, and you’re just giving him a “quickie” for release, is to not make him feel like he’s annoying for wanting it, or that he is interrupting your day and you have so many other things you could be doing. He needs to feel accepted by you, even when you’re not particularly into it this time. Smile and give him that “come here baby, I know you need it and I’m here for you” attitude. Whispering a little encouragement in his ear in the process is a huge bonus too. 😉

He wants sex to be adventurous sometimes – I’ve gotten the question from husbands “how do I get my wife to be a little more adventurous with sex? (different locations, positions, etc)” Here’s the deal – there are 3 basic “kinds” of sex for a guy. There’s what we like to call the “normal” or “go to” sex (mostly in the bedroom, consisting of what we know always works, and satisfies both parties), there’s “Quickie sex” (a quick but passionate encounter that provides release when a longer session isn’t realistic at the time), and there’s “out of the ordinary” or “adventurous” sex (sex in a not normal location (outside, back of the mini van, etc), or learning a different technique or position that may be out of the “normal sexual menu” for the couple). This is usually a tough one for wives to understand, because I think for the most part I think a woman approaches sex with a “I like to stick to what works, and what is comfortable” , where a guy’s attitude may be more “I like normal most of the time, but sometimes I want to make it exciting and try new places”. While I’m not suggesting you go make love in the city park and get arrested, what I am saying is to try to understand where your husband is coming from. He sometimes sees sex as an adventure that you both are going on together.

He wants you to be excited/thrilled to be on this adventure with him. For example, say you are taking a hike through the woods together somewhere, and when you stop for a break, he makes a move toward turning it sexual. Try and resist the urge to slap his hand away and say “honey! not here!” Even if you’re not comfortable with right here, right now, see if you can find another location down the trail where you would be. Remember, adventure! 🙂 Even if it’s not exactly what you would have fantasized, you will have just made your husband’s day, and maybe even year. He’ll be talking to you about “that day we went hiking” for years to come!
Be a student of your husband. Learn and observe what your husband likes in the bedroom (or out…lol). What color of panties/bra does he like best on you? What parts of your body drives him most wild? What turns him on the most? What turns him off? Does he like it when you express yourself loudly when you have sex? What is his favorite position/location? A wife who is willing to learn the ins and outs of what her husband likes most when it comes to sex, will have one of the happiest husbands on earth.

(I know I said 10, but I guess I can’t count!) He loves it when you sexually flirt with him – Whether it’s the “for his eyes only” text you send him during the workday, suggesting what you’re going to do later, or the surprise little “grab” you give him when he’s helping you dry the dishes after dinner, flirting with your husband this way let’s him know you desire him, and are thinking about the next time you are going to be together. Little things like wearing cute panties, or a skirt (there’s something about a skirt that drives most husbands wild) with some sexy underwear underneath, go a long way in letting your husband know that you love being his only source of sexual attention, and get a kick out of keeping him guessing with what you’re going to come up with next. I know it’s easy to go into “mommy mode” and just wear what’s comfortable/practical, but when you remember, it drives your husband wild if you give him a little “eye candy” when possible.

Most of all, your husband is longing to be accepted by you in this area. He wants to know that even though you may not understand his seemingly constant desire for you, you accept it as part of who he is, and are not only willing, but love helping him in the way that only his amazing, beautiful wife can.

If you as a wife can make it a priority to do some of this stuff on even a semi-regular basis, your husband will be willing to conquer the world for you, and will be more than willing to be there for you emotionally, be strangely communicative, and you will feel closer to him than you would ever believe.

Some Relationship Nuggets to Think About!

To those of you already in a serious relationship or about to get married, these are nuggets I’ve learnt so far:

Español: Intercambio de anillos entre los novios

A Wedding and a Marriage are two different things. Know and understand the difference. Do not spend so much time preparing for the former, that you ignore to plan for the latter.

Marriage is a mystery. It is a sacred union, a holy sacrament. Do NOT defile it. Get married for the right reasons today, so you can stay happily married tomorrow. Build it on a solid rock. Even if you start off on a shaky foundation, know that all relationships can be restored by faith, if both parties are sincerely willing to change and commit for the better. It is simple BUT it is not easy. Be yourself, have clear values, have boundaries, avoid pretense and deceit, if not, you WILL most likely be miserable for life! Respect your spouse and teach them to respect you too! Whatever you’re feeling-anger, love, hurt, gratitude…allow yourself to feel it and let it go. Holding on to grudges is a slow-killing cancer and like a deadly poison, it is toxic to ALL relationships, especially marriages. Have a short memory and forgive easily. Have a sense of humour, laugh and play together. Marriage is freestyle, so choose your own style, as long as it is right before God.

There are few things sexier than a man or woman who fears and pleases the lord. Every other thing fades…looks disappear, wallet shrinks, shoe sizes diminishes, health disintegrates, but a man with the heart of King David? His love is eternal. A woman with the inner beauty of Queen Esther? Her beauty shines forever! Take time to understand the difference between men and women and they relate an d communicate. A man often wants to be a ‘hero’ and needed, a woman often wants to be ‘cherished’ and appreciated. There may be those off-day(s), you get so mad at your spouse and question: ‘who is this stranger I married? Either rant out loud, talk about it as rationally as possible (whatever suits your personality). If you decide to just shut up about it, then you MUST let it go. No one is a mind reader.  Don’t go revisiting and re-enacting the pains at some undefined time in future. Time heals all wounds but you must allow time to do its work. Pray…thereafter, simply default to the 5 A’s of a relationship (Acknowledgement, Affection, Attention, Appreciation and Acceptance). Love unconditionally but understand that love requires conditioning. The best conditioning oils are also free: Kindness, Loyalty and respect!

It is nobody’s role or duty to complete you. Only God can do that. Don’t place people on pedestals. Your role is to complement each other, beautifully. Love is a two-way street. Learn to know and love yourself, so you can give love with all your heart. Overall, marriage is a wonderful union and will help you serve  and bear witness to each other of God’s awesomeness but BOTH of you, together, have the power to build and nurture the home of your dreams. It takes two to tango beautifully and it also takes two to have an epic fail! It is like a seesaw, both sides must play, if not the whole point of the game is lost. Be aware that anyone who has time to poke their noses in your business, in a negative way is running away from dealing with the sh*t in their lives because happy people simply wish others well. Other people’s opinion should not be of concern to you. Become more discerning in spotting a friend from a foe. Pray together. Let your love be inclusive of other members of your families but both of you must agree on acceptable boundaries.

It won’t be rosy all through. The rough tides WILL come. Most likely, you may be hurt deeply at some point(s). People in love also have a capacity and power for cruelty. Don’t put up walls to guard your heart. Leave it open and free. This is life and sh*t happens. There are no guarantees, period. Promise each other that should either of you check out physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally from the relationship, the other person will FIGHT with every thing they have to restore the relationship. It is more important to DO right than BE right. Don’t forget the little things. Be kind and courteous to each other. Create wonderful memories together. Go on dates. Have shared hobbies. Have individual hobbies. Give each other room to breathe, grow and create. Be passionate about life! Seek new ways to always deposit into your respective ’emotional/goodwill’ accounts. (The ‘surplus’ will serve you well in stormy seasons). Someone has to be a fool at different times but know the difference between a beautiful compromise and a resentful sacrifice. Christ already died on the cross, no one should be a martyr in a relationship. There are no victors here. Don’t allow yourself to be or play the victim. It should be enjoyed and bring joy, to both of you!

Don’t play the compare and contrast game. The grass may seem greener at the other side but you may be allergic to that sort of grass or the chemical that keeps it green will poison you to death. Focus on building your own relationship. Be content. When all else fail, learn to nail any challenge you face to the cross because no one else can restore relationships like your creator, trust me on this, it is a tested truism. Again, let me reiterate, marriage is simple BUT it is not easy.

Nothing in life should be a DO or DIE affair, and that includes marriage. Sadly, there have been too many cases of physical assault by spouses, sometimes resulting in death! I’ll like to end this piece by stating that if a marriage becomes a source of danger to your physical, mental, spiritual, financial and emotional survival, know when to stay on or move on. Marriage should give your spirit freedom to grow, bloom and soar. It should not be a bondage union that diminishes, kills and dries out your essence. Listen to that voice within, seek it with sincerity of heart and you will hear it speak.  IF GOD WILLS IT, it will BE, if not, just take the next exit and become a life-long member of moveon .org! Whatever path God has called you to be on, single or married, live beautifully, passionately and freely. Serve him and serve the society well. It is your birth-right to have a fulfilled, joyous and blessed life either way. Claim it. One size does not fit all. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise! Good luck and God’s grace!

P.S: Today, I am thankful to celebrate my 18th Wedding anniversary! Hopefully, in 7 years (on my 25th), I’ll share more nuggets. This is simply an opinion piece, based on my experiences.  It should be taken accordingly, and applied with wisdom.


The preceding is a guest post from Juliet Ume, MBA –Wealth Management Consultant & Lifestyle Coach at Whole Woman Network. Juliet is an avid Life Connoisseur and a passionate advocate of WomEntrepreneurship, Investment & Financial Literacy for women. Follow her on Twitter: @wholewomaninc